


Delicate

by sullyintheskywdiamonds



Series: Fools Verse [2]
Category: iKON (Kpop)
Genre: First Kiss, High School AU, M/M, Pining, can be readable without reading fools.... i think, fools universe, junhoe is emotionally constipated and jinhwan deals with his feeling, spot donghyuk if u can, still a bit vague though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-09 01:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10400370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sullyintheskywdiamonds/pseuds/sullyintheskywdiamonds
Summary: The first kiss. And the belated second.





	

**Author's Note:**

> dont read if you dont want to know what really happened between junhwan in fools.. do read if you like emotionally unstable teens and lots of pining

  
_**2013.** _

  
It's been a year since Jinhwan started hanging out with this guy named Junhoe. He's sweet and loud and has the most amazing smile in the universe.  
  
Jinhwan doesn't know what to do with that information at all.  
  
"So, you want to watch a movie tomorrow or you got a date?"  
  
Junhoe's sitting with him in their cafeteria, munching on some meat and Jinhwan wonders if he's still going through a growth spurt. He's already huge, a giant really, and if he'd grow more he wouldn't be able to even look at him from where he's standing.  
  
"A date? Junhoe how many times have I told you I'm not dating."  
  
The other snorts and grabs Jinhwan's coke, leaving him with the tiniest sip. Jinhwan feels the pit of his stomach rumble but he isn't hungry. He wonders why.  
  
"Why aren't you dating? Come on, we're almost freshmen. We need to get laid or high school is gonna be horrible."  
  
Jinhwan just rolls his eyes at his best friends' logic.  
  
"Whatever."  
  
A moment passes as he swallows the last of his rice and looks at Junhoe for a long long while. Does _he_ have a date? And if so why does the thought of it make the pit of his stomach rumble even more, the food he just ate in the back of his throat in seconds.  
  
"What?"  
  
Jinhwan avoids his eyes then and stares at his empty plate, willing away the weird nausea and the weird flutter when Junhoe's eyes follow the lines of lips. They're probably greasy, Jinhwan reasons with himself.  
  
"Nothing. Just... do _you_ have a date?"  
  
Junhoe's eyes finally blink rapidly away from his face as his cheeks turn a bit pinker than they were before. Jinhwan wonders if the girl he has a crush on is looking at them right now and if she finds him to look just as gorgeous as he does.  
  
Jinhwan shakes his head to focus on what Junhoe's saying.  
  
"Not yet. I'm trying but not yet. So movie night on Friday?"  
  
His eyes search for the girl in the crowd and Jinhwan feels the corners of his lips tug down into a frown. He doesn't know why.  
  
"Yeah, sure. Just tell me when you're coming over."  
  
Junhoe smiles at that and Jinhwan wonders why he chose this giant dork to be his best friend. Especially so when he spots an athletic boy with dimples on his cheeks walking into the cafeteria and staring straight at him, smile as wide as the abyss inside him.

  
*

  
"Oh my god. That was like.. the most boring movie I've ever watched."  
  
Junhoe's making himself comfortable in his house and Jinhwan's grateful his siblings are out with their parents. The thought of them being alone makes the abyss widen even more and Jinhwan's scared he'll fall into it's endless pit before he can even stop himself.  
  
"You okay?"  
  
Junhoe's sliding closer on the couch, hand around his shoulders and Jinhwan tries for a laugh. It sounds shakier than it's supposed to and Jinhwan doesn't know why. Doesn't know why the pimple on his chin is endearing instead of disgusting. Why the odor of a teenage boy after a long day in the gym makes his heart beat a bit faster instead of making him gag.  
  
"Yeah, yeah. I just felt a bit touched by the movie. Cause it was a good one, better than all the crap you've shown me over this last year."  
  
Junhoe pouts at him, throwing a pillow and hitting him right in the head. Jinhwan pretends it doesn't hurt but winces when Junhoe leaves the room. He really has been working out.  
  
They spend the next hour and half talking about school and gossiping about girls. Most of the gossiping is done by Junhoe though, as Jinhwan tries his hardest not to grab his strong forearm and pull him in closer by his nape.  
  
The thoughts make his head spin and Jinhwan excuses himself for a glass of water. Junhoe follows with a frown.  
  
"Hey, you're acting real strange. Is everything good?"  
  
Jinhwan doesn't know how to tell his friend of almost two years that he's starting to feel.. weird.. around him and doesn't really know why.  
  
"I'm fine. It's just.. I.. you keep talking about girls and I haven't even had my first kiss yet. I feel kinda left out."  
  
Junhoe makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat, walking closer and crowding him against the counter. Jinhwan hears his heartbeat thumping loudly in his ears and wonders if this is how you're supposed to feel around your friends. Or if this is how you're supposed to feel around your crush.  
  
He stares at the ground, the thought making his cheeks burn and Junhoe's presence not helping him at all.  
  
"You haven't had your first kiss yet?"  
  
Junhoe's voice is a bit shaky and Jinhwan has a hard time telling if it's laughter or something else. He wills himself to relax, scared that Junhoe can hear his heart hammering already.  
  
"Nope. It's...I've never had the chance."  
  
Jinhwan smiles to himself, a bit sadly. He isn't really concerned about not having it yet. He's old fashioned. He wants his first kiss to be with someone he really likes and not at a teen party where someone's sneaked in a bottle of cheap liqour that makes all the 14 year olds go wild.  
  
"Umm.. do you ... uhh.. maybe wanna try?"  
  
Junhoe's licking his lips as Jinhwan stares up at him in disbelief. Junhoe must be joking. He'd never kiss Jinhwan he's..he's in love with the freshman girl. He's...He _can't._  
  
"How?"  
  
Junhoe's face is redder than he's ever seen it before and Jinhwan remembers all the times in gym class he's stared at him from afar and thought about how it'd feel to touch the blush on his skin and taste the sweat of him on his tongue. He takes a deep breath and feels his fingers tingling from the grip he has on the counter.  
  
"I could show you? I mean just to help you out. Cause you're not gonna get a date if you suck at kissing."  
  
Jinhwan sees the nervous shake of Junhoe's shoulders as he tries to laugh. His cheeks turn even redder as he shuffles closer, unsteady hands finding his neck.  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Jinhwan licks his own lips then, feels his heart throb in his chest and something else do the same in his pants. He doesn't know why or what is happening but all he does know is that he wants this more than he's ever wanted anything else in his life.  
  
Junhoe licks over his bottom lip once more as his gaze stays put on Jinhwans', eyes as black as the abyss that's swallowing him whole.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Jinhwan feels his mouth go slack as Junhoe's face inches closer and closer until he's bent over him, hovering near his face for a second too long. Jinhwan thinks this might be a feverish dream. Thinks it's one of those dreams he always has where Junhoe enters his bedroom taking off his shirt and he wakes up with the front of his pants completely soaked.  
  
But this isn't a dream. Junhoe's there, smelling of sweat and hormones and something sweet. Jinhwan thinks it might be the strawberry gum he loves to steal from that new kid in his science class, Yun something.  
  
And then Junhoe closes the space between them, lips on his with a loud bop. Jinhwan doesn't know what to do with his hands or his breathlessness. Doesn't know if this is how maddeningly good a kiss with your best friend, a boy, should feel.  
  
Junhoe stills for a moment, one shaky hand on his nape and the other brushing over his knuckles. Jinwhan feels adrenaline rush through his body and a rush of blood swoop into his lower half.  
  
Junhoe's lips are softer than he ever imagined them to be and to his surprise, they part. Jinhwan thought the kiss was over, thought that this was how things are supposed to be. Dry lips smacking together once before pulling apart a moment later. It's already electrifying enough, feeling Junhoe's body heat so close, feeling his lips softly hold themselves on his and now it's even worse.  
  
His whole body feels wired as Junhoe's tongue enters his mouth and darts against his own, careful and delicate, nothing like Jinhwan imagined him to be. He lets out a deep breath through his nose, feels himself get shaky and antsy, feels the rush of the blood in his groin too strongly as he presses his own tongue against Junhoe's.  
  
Junhoe lets out a breath of his own and Jinhwan doesn't know if he should hold in the weird scraping feeling in the back of his throat or not. He lets it out, lets it unfold between them into a tiny moan and Junhoe's fingers tighten around his nape at that, body shuffling closer, stopping just a shy away from his lower half, that's pulsing so strong he thinks he might pass out.  
  
Jinhwan's shaky hand rests against Junhoe's quivering stomach as he moves his tongue once more, afraid of what it'll cause. Junhoe's body shivers under his touch and Jinhwan feels heat so strong he wonders how he's managed to keep it in for all this time. Junhoe inches closer now and their bodies press together, Jinhwan's hands falling limp on his sides.  
  
There's a sudden groan and Junhoe pulls away, hand still on his nape. His lips are puffy and his eyes are closed but as soon as he opens them, something happens.  
  
A spell breaks. Junhoe's eyes widening in shock as he stares down at Jinhwan's messy sweatpants and the obvious arousal that's sporting in them.  
  
He looks at him, mouth opening and closing for a long time but nothing really coming out.  
  
Jinhwan feels cold all of a sudden. Feels as if the heat's still stuck under his skin but freezing over with every panicked glance Junhoe gives him.  
  
"I..I gotta go. I'm...I really gotta go. Text you later?"  
  
Junhoe's scrambling to get out of the kitchen, hand in his hair and lips between his teeth. Jinhwan doesn't realize that it's the last time he'll have him over for three years.  
  
"Yeah, sure."  
  
And with that Junhoe puts on his shoes, grabs his jacket and runs out of his door and his life, just as fast as he came into it.  


 

_**2014.** _

  
"So.. what happened between you and that guy?"  
  
He's sitting outside with Bobby, hair dyed an experimental red.  
  
"What guy?"  
  
Jinhwan's eating his meat, not really bothering to look where Bobby's eyes are glancing at. He's too busy staring at Bobby's hands instead. At how they're kneading his thighs, at how they're right there but not close enough.  
  
"That one. Jun..Junhyo..ng?"  
  
Jinhwan realizes who he's talking about right away. Snorts at how Junhoe's become such good friends with Yunhyeong that their names are getting mixed up.  
  
It's sunny outside and the whole schools eating in the court hall with them, Jinhwan feeling a bit out of his element.  
  
"Oh you mean Junhoe."  
  
Bobby nods, eyes falling to Jinhwan's lips as he licks his fingers clean from the greatest kimchi the school cafeteria's ever made.  
  
"Yeah, him. What happened?"  
  
Jinhwan doesn't really know what to say. They were friends and one day they just weren't anymore.  
  
"There's nothing to tell really."  
  
Jinhwan shrugs his shoulders and spots Jeongyeon walking past them. Bobby's eyes dart to her immediately, running over her body appreciatively. Jinhwan holds in a sigh.  
  
"We just.. grew apart. That's it really. He got into girls and I didn't yet and he just found a better partner in crime in Yunhyeong than me. And I found you."  
  
Jinhwan smiles at Bobby and the other returns his smile in a second. Jinhwan feels his heart lurch in his chest and wonders if he'll ever be able to kiss the smile off his face or not. He thinks not.  
  
"We'll I'm glad you're not friends with him anymore. Who chooses girls over their best friend?"  
  
Bobby laughs and grabs his fingers, squeezing them between his own. Jinhwan takes a glance at Junhoe but the other isn't looking at him. Hasn't looked at him for a year now. Jinhwan doesn't mind.  


 

_**2015.** _

  
They're at a house party with Bobby, the other bouncing on his heels cause Jeongyeon's supposed to be there. Jinhwan smiles at his enthusiasm and tries to hold in the bitterness that wants to break through.  
  
He spots Yunhyeong at the drink table and goes over, not really knowing why.  
  
"So, what's there to drink around here?"  
  
Yunhyeong startles, squinting his eyes at him and then realizing who he is.  
  
"You're Jinhwan right? Bobby's best friend and the dedicated loner of the school?"  
  
Yunhyeong's smiling at him so Jinhwan thinks it's not supposed to be an insult but it feels that way still.  
  
"Yep, that's me. The famous loner."  
  
Yunhyeong shakes his hand and offers him rum and some weird punch. Jinhwan wrinkles his nose at the punch and Yunhyeong laughs, pouring him a cup as someone steps to him and welcomes him with open arms.  
  
Jinhwan catches the eye of the intruder and turns away immediately, grabbing the cup and filling it up himself.  
  
"What's he doing here? I thought you weren't a partying type of guy?"  
  
Junhoe's voice is deeper and smoother than the last time they talked and Jinhwan feels a bit weak in the knees. He now knows why Junhoe's sweat smelled so sweet to him, why Junhoe's face was so endearing. Why everything about him was irresistible. He tries his hardest to forget it.  
  
"Well your information is from seventy years ago. A guy can change Junhoe. I see you have."  
  
Jinhwan takes a big sip of his drink and finally meets his gaze. Junhoe is just as ravishing as he was when they were friends. Even more so, to his dismay.  
  
Yunhyeong excuses himself, a friend of his finally arriving. Jinhwan has a drama class with him and wonders why the friendly geek even hangs out with such loudmouths. His thought process is interrupted by Junhoe's deep slur.  
  
"So.. are you here with a date?"  
  
Jinhwan smirks into his cup. Wants to laugh because the last time they talked about dates made Junhoe disappear for years.  
  
"Nope. With Bobby."  
  
Something in Junhoe's expression changes, his eyebrows rising to the roof. Jinhwan tries not to pay attention to it. Tries to reason with himself that Junhoe's the one to slowly cut him out of his life and the eyebrow raise is nothing but disdain. Nothing else could ever be behind it.  
  
"I see. He's taken over my spot, hasn't he?"  
  
Junhoe's sipping on his own drink, somehow closer than he was before. There's still a mile between them. A mile Jinhwan would fall over for if it meant he'd get to touch his skin again. Taste it on his tongue for the first time in years. For the first time ever really.  
  
"Yeah. He turned out to be the nicest guy I've ever met. Not the type to just start ignoring me and not answering my calls."  
  
JInhwan smiles at him sweetly, the action conveying anything but that.  
  
Junhoe rolls his eyes and downs his cup. Jinhwan follows suit.  
  
"I got busy Jinhwan. And it's not my fault you didn't want to sit with me and Yujin."  
  
Jinhwan remembers that. Remembers how Junhoe was always in football practice or hanging out with Yunhyeong. Always grounded or doing his homework. Remembers how one day he started sitting with Yujin and her crowd not even bothering to invite him along. He remembers it all too well, so he pours himself another cup and nurses it quickly.  
  
"Well it was fun talking to you. I'm gonna go enjoy myself now. Have a great life Junhoe."  
  
The other's smile disappears into his cup and Jinhwan doesn't even stay behind to listen to his goodbyes. He's heard too many of them.

  
  
*

  
"I finally asked Jeongyeon out!!"  
  
Bobby's bouncing on him and Jinhwan tries his hardest not to spill his drink. Bobby's happier than he's ever seen him before and Jinhwan wants to feel good about it. Wants to congratulate him sincerely but knows he can't.  
  
Bobby's eyes follow the lines of his lips and Jinhwan knows he can't expect anything better of him either.  
  
"Congrats. I hope you get to bang her soon enough."  
  
Bobby snorts and looks across the room. He waves at her and she ducks her head shyly. Jinhwan wants to gag.  
  
"Now all we need is to find a girl for you too."  
  
Bobby's smile is sincere and Jinhwan wonders how long he'll be able to fool himself and if he does it long enough, will it actually work.  
  
An hour and three shots later he's ready to go home but before he can he desperately needs to use the bathroom. The one downstairs is locked so Jinhwan stumbles upstairs, into a couple making out in the middle of it.  
  
He apologizes and a step later bumps into wide shoulders that have become too familiar over the years.  
  
"Hey, you should really go home."  
  
Jinhwan grunts to himself. Seeing him is _just_ what he needed. Perfect. Great, honestly.

"Leave me alone, Junhoe. I'm fine."  
  
The other helps him up the last set of stairs and ushers him to the bathroom. Jinhwan feels hot under his touch and wills away the bile in his throat. Junhoe still smells sickeningly sweet. Like strawberries from Yunhyeong's smoothie.  
  
"Here, let me help you."  
  
Junhoe's wide palm is on his lower back as he leans Jinhwan over the sink, helps him wash his face with cold water that awakens his senses even more.  
  
"Thanks. I'm good now. You can go."  
  
Jinhwan's wiping his face into his shirt, lifting it so that his not so perfect abdomen is visible. As he lowers the shirt again, Junhoe's eyes dart away from him a bit too slowly. Jinhwan wishes he could blame what he saw on his drunkenness.  
  
"Do you need me to send you home?"  
  
Jinhwan wants to say yes so badly. Wants to jump into his arms because he's warm and cozy and smells a bit like..like home.  
  
Jinhwan shakes his head and Junhoe takes it as a no. Before he can correct himself Junhoe's leaning closer, kissing him on the cheek so lightly Jinhwan thinks he imagined it. Junhoe rubs the spot over with his thumb, smiles at him but not really fully, and leaves.  
  
Jinhwan slumps on the edge of the bathtub then. Slumps because in some other universe Junhoe would have been his. But maybe Bobby will be in this one.  


 

_**2016.** _

  
Jinhwan starts the new school year with a bit of enthusiasm. Bobby seems over the moon for Jeongyeon but his hands are getting more restless and his eyes are wandering too much for his own good. Jinhwan hopes that just this once, Bobby might realise what he really wants.  
  
It isn't until the football game that he spots a newcomer. A shy boy who keeps staring at his sneakers, squirming in his seat. It's the guy from the supermarket and Jinhwan relaxes a little. It isn't until the end of the game that he spots Bobby's eyes on him and the guy staring right back.  
  
It makes him queasy and Jinhwan doesn't know why.

  
*

  
He gets paired with the new guy in some literature assignment and Jinhwan takes it in stride. He's noticed how Bobby's been mentioning him a lot these last few days. He's only known him for approximately three hours and yet when he talks about him he's somehow _different._  
  
A kind of different that Jinhwan doesn't really like.  
  
He starts to notice Bobby being in thought when he's over at his house. His mind wandering and somewhere far away. On _someone_ far away.  
  
Jinhwan decides it's best to start the literature project before anything could escalate. Before he could lose Bobby without even noticing.  
  
It's after a very stressful and exhausting gym class that he stays behind to change and notices Bobby's clothes still there. He knows the others always one of the first out the door and wonders why he's taking so long.  
  
He feels that pit in his stomach again, the one that hasn't been present for years and wonders if the abyss is just waiting for him to fall.  
  
"If you're wondering about Bobby, he's in there chatting with the new kid. He seems pretty fond of him."  
  
Junhoe's mouth is against the shell of his ear and Jinhwan shivers at the heat of his body against his back.  
  
He turns around just to whip him with a towel and scowls, grabbing his things.  
  
"It's sad that the new kid is friends with you though. Poor thing doesn't know what he's getting himself into."  
  
Junhoe squints his eyes at him and clicks his tongue. Jinhwan notices the dampness of his hair and quickly looks away.  
  
"I wouldn't be surprised if you'd be sitting with us in a few weeks. Or even days. Just wait for it."  
  
Junhoe winks at him and then he's gone, a single shower head still turned on in the distance. Jinhwan shakes the tension out of his body and leaves without prying. Leaves without the truth he's not willing to face.

  
*

  
And suddenly Junhoe's words become reality.   
  
They're starting to sit at the table. It happens once and Jinhwan thinks that's it but Bobby's pulled towards the new kid, Hanbin, and there's nothing Jinhwan can do about it.  
  
His chest aches when Bobby sits next to him, when his fingers play on the others' thighs. When the way that Bobby looks at him is the way he used to look at Jinhwan.  
  
He's early to their table one day and spots Junhoe playing with his phone. He's guessing Bobby's somewhere waiting for Hanbin and the thought makes his heart beat out of sync.  
  
Maybe it's time to warm up his relationship with the gentle giant again. Or maybe it's time to stop all together.  
  
"What's up your ass today?"  
  
Junhoe's feeling cheeky, eyes alight with a spark Jinhwan hasn't seen in them for a while. Or maybe he just hasn't looked.  
  
"Nothing. Why are you so cheerful? Did Yunhyeong propose already?"  
  
He gasps and coos as Junhoe throws a pencil at him. Jinhwan continues eating his food until Junhoe speaks.  
  
"Jinah and I are going on our second date tonight. It's gonna be great."  
  
Junhoe's smile is wide and something about it makes his insides rumble. He takes another bite of his food so he wouldn't have to answer right away.  
  
"Good for you."  
  
Junhoe ducks his head with a quiet thanks and Jinhwan loses his appetite. Feels the food fill up his stomach but not the void inside him. Not the abyss that's been ready to swallow him whole ever since he put his eyes on Junhoe.  
  
The others arrive soon after that but Jinhwan's mood doesn't change. Especially so when he notices Bobby's hand on Hanbins' thigh again. And the way their bodies brush without hesitation. Pressed together from shoulder to shoulder to thigh to thigh.

  
*

  
It's a cold night when Hanbin leaves his house after a study session and Jinhwan's phone buzzes in his pocket.  
  
He thinks it's Bobby but isn't sure especially since he's been ignoring him for a while now. Jinhwan doesn't want to think why.  
  
It's an unknown number but Jinhwan can tell who it is right away. His heart somersaults in his chest and Jinhwan tries not to question it. Tries not to feel as he did years ago. Tries but fails.  
  
Junhoe asks him out on a friendly date and Jinhwan can't say no. Has never been able to say no to his gentle giant. To the one that owns his heart.

  
*

  
"Hey! I thought you wouldn't make it."  
  
Junhoe's standing near the coffee shop, fingers stuffed in his pockets. Jinhwan's cold gets swept away by the sudden warmth that Junhoe's smile erupts in him. He tries to shake it off like he shakes off the rain from his umbrella.  
  
"I'm here aren't I."  
  
He tries not to smile, tries to be cool and collected. The loner he's known as. But something about Junhoe's presence makes him lose his guard and Jinhwan feels on edge about it. Feels as if he's forgetting about Bobby and remembering Junhoe. Remembering all the ways he cannot love him and all the way he still does.  
  
"So where's Bobby? I thought you two we're attached at the hip?"  
  
Junhoe orders a coffee with at least three spoonfuls of sugar and just as much syrup. Jinhwan hides his smile in his sleeve and sips his own watered down latte instead.  
  
"He's out with Hanbin, probably. I think he found a new girlfriend though, so could be that too."  
  
Junhoe slurps on his drink and nods, fingers playing a dull beat on the table. Jinhwan knocks their knees together by accident yet doesn't move his legs. Neither does Junhoe.  
  
"Look I...I'm glad we're talking again."  
  
Junhoe doesn't look him in the eyes but his fingers still find his forearm, playing the beat that's all of a sudden thumping through him and making his body vibrate with it.  
  
Jinhwan tries not to squirm and remembers all the times Hanbin has done it. He wonders what all of this means.  
  
"I don't want to sound sappy but it's the truth. I've missed you and our friendship. Yunhyeong can cook a mean steak but he's not you."  
  
Junhoe looks in his eyes then and Jinhwan's breath gets caught in his throat. _He'll never be._  
  
"I missed your dumb jokes too. I hope you won't run away this time."  
  
He hopes mentioning it doesn't make things awkward again. For a moment Junhoe's fingers stop the thumping and so does the beating of his heart. Yet then it continues and Jinhwan relaxes into the touch, into the warm feeling thats soothing the gaping hole of the abyss inside of him.  
  
"I hope so too."  
  
There's a question in there. Jinhwan doesn't know how to answer it so he just smiles and nods, hopes that Junhoe realizes he's never gonna bring it up again. As long as Junhoe's by his side he won't need to bring it up. He won't do anything stupid to lose him. Won't get a friendly boner even if Junhoe's is right in his face.  
  
He's willing to turn a page and start fresh. Start without the feelings that he'll never be able to shake off. But Junhoe doesn't need to know about that. No one does.

  
*

  
The party he's been dragged to is boring as hell. Until he spots Junhoe that is.  
  
"I thought you were out with Jinah?"  
  
Junhoe pouts and grabs a can of beer. Jinhwan can't wait to hear what happened.  
  
"Haven't you heard? She broke up with me. I'm now single and ready to mingle again."  
  
Jinhwan snorts and takes a sip from Junhoes drink, fingers wrapped around his own as he pulls the can towards his face. Junhoe's eyelashes flutter and he turns away, thinking loudly about where Yunhyeong might be.  
  
Jinhwan smirks to himself after a minute, when Junhoe's hand sneaks over his shoulders. Gets stuck on his lower back when the alcohol gets stuck in their system.  
  
Jinhwan doesn't realize how much he's drinking because of it and ends up completely drunk. Out of his mind drunk.  
  
He spots Bobby and Hanbin whispering in the corner. Spots Hanbins' fingers underneath Bobby's shirt, spots Bobby's hand on the small of his back, dangerously close to his ass.  
  
Spots that there's something he's missed while playing pretend house in his mind with Junhoe. Something that he doesn't want to acknowledge as long as he doesn't have to.  
  
"Who wants to shotgun?"  
  
A voice is heard hollering through the house as Jinhwan gets comfortable on a lone armchair, pulling Junhoe down with him. The others' cheeks are red from the alcohol but burn even brighter when he has to settle himself behind Jinhwan, his ass firmly resting against his groin. Firmly resting against a bump that Jinhwan tries his hardest to ignore.  
  
Bobby scolds him a minute later, telling him he's too drunk to get high but Jinhwan can't waste the opportunity. Can't waste the chance he has of feeling Junhoe's lips on his again. If he can't have Bobby, he'll have Junhoe instead.  
  
The joint makes it's way towards them excruciatingly slow and as it passes over to Hanbin, Jinhwan finds himself very interested.  
  
He sees the way Hanbin's hands sneak on Bobby's lap. The way he's sweating profusely out of nerves but not the kind of nerves Jinhwan'd have. Not the kind of nerves of a first kiss.  
  
The kind of nerves one only gets when he's afraid of being too open. Afraid of showing too much.  
  
Jinhwan feels a twist in his gut as Junhoes' fingers paint patterns on his forearm. As Junhoe lets his head rest on top of his and Jinhwan's whole body seizes with warmth and want.  
  
Bobby's lips leave Hanbin's too slowly for him to bare. He sees what he thinks is Bobby biting the others lower lip. Sees how Bobby's desperately trying to sit in a way that doesn't show his..his excitement.  
  
Jinhwan turns his gaze away. Remembers how exited he was against Junhoe. How Junhoe's tongue felt against his and how he thought it was a moment that was going to change his life forever. And yes, it did, but in a way he never imagined it to.  
  
The joint reaches them and Jinhwan grabs it with hungry fingers, itching to feel the already generous bump grow even further. Itching to feel the same way he did years ago. Loved. Almost loved.  
  
He pulls Junhoe in by the hem of his shirt and entwines their fingers as their mouths collide. Junhoe keeps his distance, holds his breath as Jinhwan melts into a puddle between his arms.  
  
The moment is too fleeting and he's too drunk. Yet the warmth that rushes through him is not from the alcohol nor from the weed. It's from Junhoe and his heavy gaze. From the realization that it isn't over. It's never been over and as long as he can help it, it will never be.  


  
*

  
Hearing Bobby tell him about Hanbin hits him like a freight train. Hits him like nothing has ever done before.  
  
Jinhwan knew all along. He knew from day one. Knew ever since Bobby stopped looking at him the way he did. Knew ever since Bobby stopped pulling him in close. Knew ever since Bobby's eyes disappeared into Hanbins' and didn't come back.  
  
But it hurts. It hurts that he wasn't the one they told first. Hurts that what he's wanted for so long is still nowhere near to being his. Hurts that he's lost Junhoe and he's lost Bobby too.  
  
But what he finds to hurt even more is keeping away from Junhoe. Keeping away from him is like trying not to be pulled down by gravity. It's like trying to breathe underwater. He can't do it.  
  
He can't keep away yet he can't face the fact that Junhoe is never going to be Bobby. He'll never realize what he feels is something worth chasing. He'll never want him as much as Bobby wants Hanbin.  
  
And so Jinhwan sits in his living room with a cup of cocoa in his hands and listens to Hanbin talk about how he's felt like he's been drowning for years and Jinhwan fights drowning in his own tears at that.

  
*

  
"You're absolutely disgusting. You're a piece of shit!"  
  
He sees Junhoe a day after the lunchtime spectacle. Sees the anger and confusion in his eyes and knows that he can't surrender to it. Can't seem weak now.  
  
"Look who's talking? I bet you're one of them. I bet you're just as disgusting as they are."  
  
Junhoe's fuming, pacing back and forth in front of him. Jinhwan stops breathing as soon as he says it.  
  
"And what if I am, huh? What's that to you? You're a sick bastard who needs to learn a thing or two about friendship!"  
  
Jinhwan turns away before Junhoe could see his tears fall. Could see the dam that he's been building fall apart in seconds.  
  
"Friendship? I could never be friends with people like you."  
  
Junhoe's voice is spiteful and stings like venom. Stings like the tears in his eyes that he can't hold back anymore.  
  
"You need to think long and hard about why this bothers you so much, _June_. I think you might be surprised."  
  
Jinhwan turns around and fastens his pace, walking right out of there. Out of Junhoe's life for good.

  
*

  
He opens the door thinking it's going to be Chanwoo. Thinking it's going to be his parents or the kids but it's--it's _him_.  
  
Jinhwan feels his face fall and tries not to look at him. Tries to look as mean as possible. As cold as possible.  
  
Letting him in is a bad idea yet he does it anyway. He's yet to let him out of his heart.  
  
After a tense minute or two Junhoe starts speaking. Tells them how sorry he is and looks at him like he's the sun and the moon and the stars. Looks at him like Jinhwan's looked at him all along.  
  
"I'm sorry I hurt you."  
  
Junhoe's voice is earnest, too much emotion behind it. Jinhwan feels his own voice crack when he asks him to stay. Asks him to stay in his life for good this time.  
  
Junhoe smiles and Jinhwan feels his heart beat out of his chest. Especially so when Junhoe escorts him to the kitchen for the third round of his famous cocoa. For a few hushed words that change his life forever.  
  
They look at each other with goofy smiles, Junhoe cleaning the cups and Jinhwan grabbing the drinks. There's silence for a while but it's comfortable. It's okay.  
  
"I'm sorry I left. The first time and the second time."  
  
He's minding his own business near the stove when Junhoe crowds into him, the heat of his body against his back after a long long while. Jinhwan wants to fall into him more than ever before.  
  
"Are you gonna leave again?"  
  
Junhoe's lips find his ear, teeth grazing his earlobe so lightly that Jinhwan thinks he might've imagined it. His breath ghosts over his skin and Jinhwan shivers, goosebumps on every inch of his skin.  
  
"No. Never."  
  
Junhoe's voice is so quiet that Jinhwan has a hard time making out what he said. When he finally realizes the words he grabs Junhoe's hands. Squeezes them tightly around himself and heaves out the sigh that's been stuck in him forever.  
  
They make their way back to the living room with smiles on their faces again. Smiles that don't leave for the rest of the night.

  
*

  
"You know.. I never thought you'd be brave enough to figure it out."  
  
The guys have just left and Jinhwan keeps playing with Junhoe's hand. Keeps playing with the strands of hair on his nape. Keeps playing with the thought of forever.  
  
Junhoe's eyes wander down his body as he thinks of what to say. Jinhwan holds his breath out of habit.  
  
"I never thought so either."  
  
They laugh, the sound taking the tension out of the room. Jinhwan feels light, as if he's floating. As if he's been carrying an invisible weight on his shoulders for his entire life and now it's finally gone. Finally lifting off to make room for the weight of Junhoe's arm. For the weight of something good.  
  
"I'm...I don't really know where to start. Jinnie, have you.. have you always been in love with me?"  
  
Jinhwan feels the laughter in his throat crawl back down again as he startles and stares at Junhoe. Feels their legs brush and shivers from it.  
  
"If I'm being honest I think so yeah. There was a period of mixed feelings towards Bobby but I..uhh.. I think it's always been you."  
  
Junhoe smiles wide at that, smiles like the gentle giant he is and Jinhwan pinches his cheeks in delight. Savors the feelings in his chest for just a second too long.  
  
"I think it's always been you too."  
  
Junhoe leans closer then and their smiles turn into smirks and into breathlessness. He bumps their noses together and breathes in deeply, sighs as Jinhwan cards his fingers through his hair and inches even closer, legs thrown over his sides as he finally settles in his lap.  
  
Junhoe kisses the corner of his mouth, smiles at the feeling of him. Smiles at the feeling that's binding them both together.  
  
And then their lips touch again. For the first time in years. And it feels just like the last time. Just as awkward and heated and amazing.  
  
Jinhwan parts his lips first this time and lets his tongue slide over Junhoes lips, making him groan. Groan against his cheek until Jinhwan feels it in his toes.  
  
He squirms in his lap and bumps into Junhoe's arousal this time. It makes the both of them hold their breaths, makes them inhale and exhale each other only.  
  
Jinhwan tastes him in the back of his throat. Feels him everywhere on his body as Junhoe's fingers coax under his shirt, thumping a beat on his quivering abdomen. Thumping in sync with his heart.  
  
They part just as Jinhwan gets too lost in him. Lets himself go.  
  
Junhoe's eyes are closed as they were all those years ago yet when he opens them there's something different there. Acceptance. Or love. Or maybe both.  
  
"I think I'm.. in love with you. Like really really in love."  
  
Junhoe's voice shakes as he lets the words out, gnawing on his bottom lip. Scared of what Jinhwan'll say.  
  
He has nothing left to say but the truth though.  
  
"I think I'm madly in love with you too."  
  
The words finally stitching together the void in the pit of his stomach. The abyss that didn't conquer him after all.  
  
Jinhwan smiles against Junhoe's neck and thinks of silver linings for the first time in his life.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably not what you imagined (aka all of you who wanted a Junhwan spin off or chapter) but I hope you like it!! Underage just because they were underage during the first kiss and first friendly boners. 
> 
> This is probably it for the fools universe. Idk I just felt like putting this out there and if you didnt read fools tell me if its comprehensible!


End file.
